Random pieces of advice

One of our friend who is having their first baby soon asked for some tips and advice.  So here are some random thoughts that have been bounding around in my head.  Your Mileage May Vary.,

1. Trust yourself - ultimately, you have to answer to yourself, not the expectations (perceived or real) of others.  This starts in labor and delivery with the nurses and doctors.  If something doesn't feel right to you, speak up, trust your instincts.  You'll be tired, and exhausted and overwhelmed and getting lots of advice, but  its just advice, you can take it or leave it; it may not work for you.  This also applies to the rest of this post
2. Swaddling babies is awesome.  It helps them calm down and relax.  However, Houdini was only special in that he didn't lose the natural born abilities that babies have to escape from their constraints.  Do yourself a favor and get one of these or one of these.
3. Babies really like to sleep on you.  Its awesome for both of you.  Get a comfortable chair or couch.  Try reclining it while holding something that simulates a baby.  I wouldn't have got our rocker if I tried that.  Its much to wide to use the arm rests and be comfortable.
4. Pacifiers and Binkies (also known as plugs) may not work for your baby.  Davis hated them, Alex and Evan like them when they aren't screaming.
5. Having your kids on a schedule from early on can pay off.  With Davis, we just reacted and did whatever we perceived he needed/wanted.  With Alex and Evan, they eat every 3-4 hours (we wake them up if needed) and they have active time in the day (we force them to stay awake) and they have quite time at night (no eye contact with that baby while feeding them!).  I think it has helped our sleep and stress levels a lot.
6. White noise is great.  Babies are noisy an it can help you sleep through their snorts and grunts.  
7. White noise is great.  Babies like white noise and it can provide a nice background noise for them when sleeping.
8. If you get bottles, get glass bottles.  We have both plastic and glass Born Free bottles and I much prefer the glass.  They can go on the bottom rack of your dishwasher and there are probably fewer concerns about chemicals. 
9. Our babies have a lot of gas / digestive issues.  They strain and fart and then relax.  They repeat this cycle a lot and finally relax and go to sleep.  Sometimes its best to just let them work it out.  Sometimes they need to be picked up and rocked.  Sometimes they need a binkie.  
10. Get yourself a nice carrier.  They are great for getting things done around the house while holding a little one who needs some extra calming down. We like the Mei Tai baby carriers but Kristen's dad really liked the Baby Bjorn we borrowed.  In Boston, there was a baby carriers group where you could rent them to try them out.
11. Baby Swings are great.  Motion and confinement can really help them calm down at night when you have to sleep.  Alex and Evan spend a lot of time in their swings at night when we are exhausted and they have a hard time calming themselves down.
12. If you get a baby swing that doesn't have an AC adapter, get some of these.  They are expensive, but worth it.  
13. We haven't had a lot of luck with vibrating chairs.  
14. We use the Baby Bjorn chair a lot.  With Davis, we'd plop him in the chair while we took a shower.  Easy to move around the house and bouncy.
15. Cloth diapers can be worth the investment if you have a washing machine with a sanitary cycle.  Especially if you are thinking about having two kids.  They are easy to use and clean.  However, we didn't use them with Davis past 10 months or so.  When he got mobile, they started giving him rashes since he was moving in a wet diaper at daycare a lot (they change them on a schedule instead of demand).
16. Find the cheapest place to get diapers you like and formula (if you need it).  Costco has cheap formula if you would otherwise be a member.
17. Amazon has great prices on diapers wipes and other supplies.  You can join Amazon Mom and get a free year of prime shipping (you don't get videos) and become eligble for some pretty steep discounts on baby stuff.  The subscribe and save option for diapers and wipes has saved us quite a bit of money.
18. I hate Pampers diapers.  They smell perfumed.  I much prefer Huggies which are scent free.  
19. Buy lots of stuff used.  Craiglist, consignment, garage sales, friends and parents groups can be great resources.  The Mothers of Twins Associations seem to have twice yearly sales.  They are open to the public (30 minutes after members or so) and they have lots of stuff.  There isn't a lot you need new and can save a lot of money buying used.  This is especially true for clothes, they don't wear the newborn stuff for very long and you can find lots of stuff in great shape.
20. If you can afford it, hire a house keeper to come once a week.  We have one now and it is fantastic.
21. If you are having twins and you are the one who is going to be taking pictures right after they are born, get a sharpie and write A on one side of your hand and B on the other.  Every time you switch back and forth between babies, take a picture of your hand so you know who you are taking a picture of.  It may take a little while to get to know your little guys.
22. A blog is a great way to keep track of them growing up, but it can be hard to maintain and do regularly.  However, it can also cut down on the amount of time you spend communicating and keep your whole family up to date.
23. They grow up really fast and change every week.  Take lots of pictures.  Back them up at least once a month.  

More Choose Your Own Adventure

You are at the YMCA playing with your son in the mat room and mom and her three year old daughter walk in for a class starting in a few minutes.  The mom sanitizes the child's hands and proceeds to follow the her around the room making sure everything is "safe".  Do you:

a) Get off your chair and make sure your son on the other side of the room is safe

b) Wonder why you didn't think to sanitize your son's hands
c) Relax and do nothing

You and your son take the train to the Aquarium downtown.  There is a 40 person line to get in and many tour groups of 5 to 10 year olds visiting.  The entrance fee is $22.  Do you:

a) Pay $75 and become a member to by-pass the line

b) Go ahead with the visit

c) Bail on the visit and go find mom for lunch

The answer in each case is c, but we will probably become Aquarium members.  We think Davis will really like the Aquarium and it will be a great winter activity when it isn't quite so crowded.  Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to wash Davis' hands after playing in the mat room.

A time for change

This week marks my second full week back at work ('full' is relative). You may have noticed the change with even fewer posts than normal. I have to say I'm struggling with the back-to-work thing. When I'm in the office, it's a totally different feeling than before. Before, I could go to work, do what I needed, and if something got in the way (like a longer lunch or a longer workout), then I would just go home later, or work at home in the evening. Now, those 8 hours are my only 8 hours I can work during, so everything has a heightened sense of stress and anxiety. I see it in the way I program (nuts, a bug, not making any progress today) and in the way I interact with my co-workers, which is to say, I don't. I also feel a lot of anxiety around pumping, when should I do it? How will I fit it in between that meeting and that other thing? How can I make any progress if all I do is pump?? In some ways I think my anxiety around pumping is really a metaphor for all my anxiety of returning to work and leaving Davis. It's something concrete, whereas all my sadness about being away from Davis and the life we had during maternity leave is a lot harder to harness. I feel so lucky that we have Jill (Grammie) here during this transition, dropping him off at daycare would make this a whole lot harder to handle! We have a website where we can track Davis' sleeping and eating and I find myself constantly checking it during the day (especially late afternoon). I knew life would be busy with a baby, but I didn't realize that everything in my life would feel like a tradeoff, or that I would feel like I can no longer do anything very well. I currently feel like I don't have enough time with Davis, am not working well, not getting enough exercise, and definitely not keeping up with my friendships. I'm trying to be patient with myself since everything is new, I need to give myself time to adjust to a new way of life. (But gosh darnit, why haven't I adjusted already?! :)

On another note, Davis is also going through a whole lot of changes! He's gained a pound a week for the last two weeks and he's now a whopping 14.5 lbs at 10weeks old. He's had two nights of 5 consecutive hours of sleep! John and I got really excited, but the last two nights have been back to the normal of 3-4 hours of sleep in a row maximum. All Davis wants to do now is stand.. he hates laying down and he wants you to hold him up so he can stand on his own two legs. Oi, he's gaining weight faster than I can adjust to carrying him! He's getting really close to finding his feet, right now he loves to rest his hands on his thighs and knees, which is super cute. He joins us for dinner most nights at the table in his high chair, he really likes to see what's going on. John has found a new giggle game, which is to 'airplane' Davis towards me and I smile and laugh and he giggles when he sees me! Up until now, no one has said he looks like either of us, but I had three people at yoga today say he looks like me! (Of course, they haven't seen John). One of them told me he has my smile! He's growing up so fast. I remember when things were really rough in the beginning I told myself that pretty soon I would look back on that time and wonder where it went...I'm already there!

Some things I've tried or am going to try to improve my productivity and reduce stress:

• I take really good notes towards the end of the day about what I'm doing, so I can drop whatever I am doing to get home on time. (This is a suggestion from my friend Katharina, who learned it from a former labmate of hers). It has definitely helped me get going faster the next day.
• I refrigerate the parts to my pump between uses, so I only have to wash them once at the end of the day.
• I'm going to focus on catching up on reading current literature during pumping.
• Pretty soon I can combine my exercise with our morning routine when Davis can go in the jogging stroller.
• I'm debating about working another afternoon at home (right now I work at home on Tuesday mornings, and am way more productive and relaxed than I am at work).
• Make sure to have plans with at least one friend on the weekends.
  
• Workout at lunchtime and eat lunch at my desk (this I do, good for productivity, bad for lab socialization, maybe I can move one workout to the mornings and make sure to eat lunch with people once during the week).

And now there's lots to do to get ready for tomorrow...but more suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!
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