Toes are awesome

It's been a long time since I have blogged..since May in fact.  Luckily, John has been keeping up with posts recently, but I would like to get better at it since it's proving to be important for documenting Davis' development and sheer awesomeness.  So here's a small warmup to get me back in the swing of blogging. 


I don't think I've mentioned it here, but after I defended in May (and officially graduated in June), I began work as a postdoc, joint with my Ph.D. lab and a new lab.  I'm still working out what it all means with regards to where I am and when, but it's awfully comfy to stick around my old stomping grounds and work with the same people I have been working with for years.  The biggest change in my postdoc is that I am now doing biological experiments and very little computation.  It's been quite the change and an eye-opening experience.  I've been completely overwhelmed and it's been pretty hard to go from feeling like you know something to feeling like you know nothing.  I'm blessed with great colleagues who are happy to help me through the learning curve of experiments (and enough of them I can spread out the wealth of my ignorance among them all, decreasing the burden on any one of them, although some still get a pretty heavy dose of me).  I think I enjoy it.  In contrast to when I was doing fabrication, the experiments I'm doing go fast enough to keep me excited about them.  Fabrication work left me pretty unexcited about getting back into the lab, but it's proving to be a completely different mode and timescale (for reference, it was typically 6 months to a year of fabrication before you ever even got to sit down with a device to see if it did what you hoped it would).  One of the hardest transitions to this new way of life is scheduling my day.  I'm eating lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon, missing the gym, and coming home exhausted after a full day of standing and running between labs.  I think as time goes on and I get the hang of things, it will get better.


Davis is growing and changing by the day.  It's cliched, but.. It sure is amazing to see the world through the eyes of a newborn/baby/toddler.  For example, Davis loves the toe song.  You know the one that goes "This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home..."  When we take off his shoes and socks he looks at his feet and points and I sing the song.  He laughs in delight when the last little piggy runs home.  He usually points again and we sing again..then one more time usually, perhaps a few more times.


John and I are amazed by his capacity to pick new things up and even extend them.  For example, when we went to the water park, he picked up a stick.  When he saw other kids putting things like buckets in the water stream to catch water, he put his stick in it.  Then when a little girl showed him how to catch water with a bucket, he tried it.  The first time we went to the water park he splashed in the puddles on the perimeter.  The second time, he was running through the center where the water was pouring down.  Who knows what he will do next time.


Davis is certainly like his dad was, a "me do it meself" kind of guy.  He gets upset at mealtimes if we try and give him finger food a little at a time.  This morning breakfast went much better when we handed him the entire plate of eggs and toast along with a fork.  He's doing wonderful at feeding himself with a spoon and fork.  We just have to be on the watch for when he finishes in order to catch the plate before it hits the ground.   


We hoped to go camping this weekend, Davis even has his own sleeping bag!  (Davis fell asleep on my sleeping bag on the last trip and I was freezing all night long).  Unfortunately, it looks like thunderstorms will prevent our trip from happening this weekend. 

By the way..I graduated

It's a bit anticlimactic that I finally get around to blog-announcing the fact that I successfully defended my Ph.D. dissertation more than two weeks ago...but here it is.. I graduated!  The day couldn't have gone more smoothly.  I headed into campus so that John and my Mom and Dad could get there a little closer to the defense time, which was 11:15am.  I had some great friends who helped my family setup the snacks and coffee while I prepped the talk and then all of a sudden the next thing I know, I'm defending!  I was really surprised at how nervous I was when it started, I believe my use of a laser pointer created some motion sickness for a few people.  Eventually, I settled down and was able to roughly enjoy giving the talk.  Another surprising thing about the defense talk, versus any other talk I've given, is the diversity of audience and material.  When preparing it I had to consider the full range of listeners, from my parents and husband to my advisor and committee.  It was really intimidating.  In addition, it's the first time I have talked about more than one of three major pieces of my Ph.D. work.  Fitting it all into a coherent picture was quite the challenge.   I have a hard time judging how it went, other than to tell you that I passed, and as a former advisor of mine likes to say "I passed with flying colors...black and blue". 


If you are like any of the other dozen people I have talked to recently, you are sitting there wondering, "What's next?"  Well, I have a somewhat elusive answer for you.. a postdoc, for a bit, maybe.  I had already planned to stay here for the summer to finish up some aspects of my work for publication.  During my post-defense discussion with my committee, this was actually formalized to be a postdoc with a committee member.  This is a fantastic development since it means I get to do some experiments, which I've always been eager to do.  However, it's really ideal since I can choose to leave at the end of the summer, regardless of the state of the experiments.  If, however, things are going great and I really decide I want to stay in academics, there's a lot of other work I can do with this advisor, should we both wish it.  Right now, I'm going to take it one step at a time before I try and project any long-term outcome of this arrangement.  Luckily, John is very supportive with the idea of going with the flow for the next few months as I sort out some very convoluted feelings I have about my future career path.  I'm lucky to have friends who continue to challenge me about some of those feelings so that I have to think deeply about every option. 


I still have a hard time adjusting to the idea that I am done.  Commencement next week might make it feel more real and I had an email tonight that helped!  My advisor emailed someone a request on behalf of Dr. Naegle and others.  It felt quite official!

13 Months!

Davis turns 13 months today which reminded me just how bad we have been at updating the blog.  The last few weeks seem like a whirlwind.  Some of the highlights include:

• Kristen putting in 70-80 (or more) hour weeks to finish her thesis, get her presentation done and prepare for a conference
• Kristen's conference being postponed just days before we leave due to the Eyjafjallajökull volcano.
• Kristen's parents coming to visit and take care of Davis
• Planning and taking last minute tip to Costa Rica Puerto Rico.
• Kristen's thesis defense and celebration

It has been a busy few weeks, but things have settled down a little for the time being.  It seems that Kristen and I are both back to working normal hours, Kristen's parents have gone home and we are back to our old routine: chaos. The next couple of weeks should be pretty sedate by our standards: Kristen is wrapping up revisions to her thesis (due date: May 21st), our daycare is closed for the last week of May and then Kristen will go through graduation ceremonies.

Davis has really grown in the last month. He:

• Has about 8-10 words, including: Up, Done (finished eating), Mama, Dada, Thank You (when given something), Hello (usually reserved for answering the phone) and Uh-Oh (dropping something).  His language has developed a lot over the last couple of weeks and besides these words has a lot of different vocalizations.  We think he uses "Ya-Ya" for grandma and has a word for the cats, but we aren't as sure about those.
• Spins around in a circle after watching mom or dad spin around in a circle.  This scares me a little bit as I nearly lost my eye spinning around in our kitchen and hitting my head on a sharp drawer handle when I was young, but it is really neat to watch.
• Can walk backwards
• Knows the song "clap your hands if you are happy and you know it" and does the clapping and stopping parts.  There really isn't much cuter than a stomping toddler.
• Is very opinionated.  If he doesn't get what he wants, he lets us know about it.
• Has a good understanding of basic language and commands.  For example, tonight, while skyping with Grammie, she said "do you want more" and he used the sign for "more".
• Gives fantastic raspberries when mom lies on the ground.
• Takes good and consistent naps at daycare (knock on wood).
• Has transitioned to milk instead of formula (woo hoo).
• Likes whipped cream, ice cream and popsicles 

Those are just a few things.  He is growing up so fast! I can't believe its already been 13 months.  Looking back at where he was a year ago, it seems like it must be longer than 13 months.

A future scientist

I know, I haven't checked in for a while on the blog.  To say things have been crazy, or that I have been busy, is an understatement of vast porportions.  The good news is that I hope to will have a thesis draft on my committees' desks this Friday!  The end is in sight.

Tonight I just wanted to check in to tell a story about our budding, future scientist.  Uncle James, Aunt Stephanie and cousin Melanie gave Davis a toy for his birthday, which is a collection of plastic rods with magnets on either end and big metal balls you can use to  connect them.  They are a very nice alternative to playing with megablocks all the time.  In fact, tonight, when faced with the decision to play with EITHER the megablocks or the magnetic toys, he chose the magnets.  I was fascinated, a bit alarmed too, when Davis started to pick up every single piece and throw it over the footstool, into a corner of the room that is blocked off for safety reasons.  One by one, he threw ball, then rod, then ball, rod, rod, etc.  Every time he tossed one over he would get up on his tiptoes and watch as the ball or rod settled.  I finally realized that he was fascinated by watching the interactions of the pieces when thrown into a small proximity.  Sure enough, when I looked, all the rods and balls had settled in some fashion with each other, versus being randomly dispersed. 

In addition to being a fantastic observer of all things, Davis has been picking up a few words. Or a couple of words..maybe ... if you listen closely.  Dad and Mom have heard him say "duck" and "ball" in addition to "uh-oh".  Unfortunately, Ma-ma and Da-da, although said frequently, don't appear to be associated with anyone in particular yet.  Despite our lack of understanding, Davis does seem to have an immense vocabulary and can tell complex and interesting stories that often involve much pointing and exclamation.  We think he told us a story the other night of a very large fish he caught while at daycare.  

It's happening again??

The good news is that I feel a little more in control of all the work I need to finish today than I did on Friday.  Friday was a big low point for me.  It was taken up entirely by meetings, none of which are remotely related to the immediate task of writing up my final work and thesis.  Despite an absolutely gorgeous day Saturday, I found I was too stressed out to enjoy my time with John and Davis, so I spent most of the day Saturday and Sunday working.  Sunday I woke up feeling not-so-great and by the time the evening rolled around John looked at me and said "You better not give that presentation tomorrow".... my voice was starting to crack and sound like it was disappearing.  I had only just started to feel like I was over the laryngitis that disabled me for five weeks, which started in February.  Even up to leaving for Quebec and giving my thesis meeting I had been worried about losing it again.  The upside is that I learned a valuable lesson in February, that my health is more important than a meeting, so I canceled my presentation that was scheduled for this morning.  Luckily, the organizer was very understanding and hopefully we can reschedule in another week or two

Between Saturday and today I managed to completely convert one whole manuscript into a typeset form for my thesis.  That means that the other one that is already written will only take a day or two and that is an important perspective to have at this point!  Although I have a lot of new material still left to write, I at least feel like the task is a bit more manageable. Hopefully, by this weekend I might feel like I can take some time off, and maybe more importantly, that I can keep from losing my voice again!

Completely overwhelmed

In the last 16 hours I have been invited to talk at two different pharma companies about two different projects.  So in addition to John's checklist from last night, I now need to add those.  Additionally, I think he forgot to put on there that I have labs to contact in Seattle about a job.  It's fantastic that there is interest in my work, especially by potential employers, but I have no idea how I'm going to handle all of this.  Couple this with a server failure that happened Monday and is still an ongoing issue and I am completely and totally overwhelmed.  Oh, and I'm supposed to be mentoring a rotation student, but am failing miserably at that. 

Trying to breathe, but feel like I'm drowning.  I think I will have to break my cardinal rule and work while Davis is awake this weekend and hope that in the end it means I have helped get closer to both a job and a final thesis.

I can do it.  I will make it.

The Home Stretch

As of today, Kristen has exactly 5 weeks to finish and turn in her thesis.  It promises to be a busy 5 weeks.  A few of the big things on our plates for the next 2 months:

• Davis' first birthday
• Prepare poster / presentation for conference in Lisbon (Kristen)
• Plan and take a 1 week trip to Portugal and somewhere else in Europe (Both)
• Come up with a thesis title.  Current working draft is: "Biological systems and stuff" (Kristen)
• Write thesis (Kristen)
• Prepare resume (Kristen)
• Job Search (Kristen)
• Prepare thesis defense presentation (Kristen)

Most of these are typical things that happen at the end of a PHd.  We've certainly seen a number of our friends go through crunch time in the last part of their degrees, but it was kind of shock when we realized there were only 5 weeks left until her thesis was due. 

Kristen has been working very hard for a long time and it is hard to imagine where we'll find the extra time.   We're planning on taking Davis to daycare for an extra 3 hours a week which will help a lot, but it means trading off Davis time for work time for a little while.  

Our typical day goes like this:

• 5:30 - Wake up, hopefully sleeping through the night
• 6:00 - Parent #1 showers and gets ready for work
• 6:00 - Parent #2 takes care of Davis (fed, changed, playing - yay!)
• 6:30 - Parent #2 prepares breakfast for Parent #1, #2 and Davis
• 7:00 - Breakfast
• 7:15 to 7:30 - Parent #1 leaves for work
• 7:30 to 9:00 - Parent #2 and Davis time (yay!)
• 9:30 to 10:00 - Parent #2 arrives at work
• 5:15 - Parent #1 picks up Davis
• 5:30 - Parent #2 arrives home, starts dinner
• 6:15 to 6:45 - Dinner
• 6:45 to 7:15 - Playtime (yay!)
• 7:30 - Davis goes to bed
• 7:30 to 9:00 - John cleans, does laundry, chores, etc, Kristen works
• 9:00 to 10:00 - John on the computer, blogging / doing finances, etc, Kristen works
• 10:00 or 11:00 - Bedtime

Its going to be a busy and exciting time.

New Photos

Kristen is away at a conference in Quebec for the next 5 days, so its up to me to take pictures of the little guy for her to enjoy while she is away.  The first few are from a walk to whole foods to pick up more yogurt after I left the lid off and Domino helped himself.  The second few are from a very tired boy waking up and not being ready to be awake -- Grammie rocked him for about 45 minutes while he got some much needed rest.

New Pictures

Kristen and I have been busy lately and neglecting the blog.  Kristen has her final committee meeting Friday and leaves for a 5 day conference on Sunday.  Her committee should give her permission to graduate by June and she has been doing a lot of work to prepare her presentation and work while at the same time creating her poster for her conference.  Between those two things, and her normal work load, she has been a little overwhelmed with work.  My mom arrives Friday to help take care of Davis while Kristen is gone and will be here for about 10 days.  That is a brief update with what is going on with us.

Here are few recent pictures of the little guy.  He is getting hard to capture with pictures.  Most of the time, he sees the camera and comes running (in a 10.5 month old way) to grab it and see what dad is doing.

There are more pictures in our online picasa albums. 

That is some good walking

It seems I am forever composing blog posts in my head, but rarely do they make it into writing.  I hope to do a better job of that in the future, but below are some disconnected thoughts and updates regarding the last couple of weeks.

Davis is a walker!  A couple of weeks ago, he took his first steps, and he has been exponentially improving on those first steps.  For the first week or so, we could get him to walk if we sufficiently motivated and distracted him.  However, he mostly felt the need for the safety of an object to hold onto, despite whether or not it actually provided him any support.  This last Friday, for the first time, while we were playing in his room, he stood up and walked to me!  John and I are amazed at his ability to learn things so quickly, from a few steps to crossing a room in the matter of a couple of weeks.  John has just posted a video. 

One of Davis' favorite things continues to be books.  However, we do a lot less reading of the books these days.  Mostly Davis enjoys pulling the books out of the book box and handing them to us.  Then we open the book and Davis turns the pages until it's time to move onto pulling the next book in the box.  During one of these sessions, Davis saw me put something in his laundry basket.  He then took everything out of the book box and put it in the laundry basket.  This makes us realize that we need to be VERY careful about what we do and say in his presence, it doesn't take much for him to pick up on things.

Kellie, one of the daycare providers, told me a story this last week when I picked Davis up.  Apparently, he likes to pull every single car out of the box of cars they have at the daycare.  He methodically pulls one out at a time and places it on the ground.  When he finally gets to the last one, whatever one that is, he runs off to play with it.  Davis and his partner in crime, Roxie, can take apart the daycare in a matter of minutes.  In exasperation, Kellie told John yesterday that they will be working on the skill of putting things away soon.  John suggested they pull out a laundry hamper.

A couple of weeks ago marked an increase in fussiness for Davis.  We believe it's a combination of him being sick at the time as well as his increasing frustration at not being able to communicate.  Who knows what it really is, but we have noticed that Davis is getting very good at communicating to us what he wants recently.  We have attempted using a few signs with Davis in the hope of giving him some tools before he's verbal to aid in his communication.  His sign for 'more' looks like clapping and tells us that he's ready for more food at the table.  However, when combined with his refusal of one type of food and his insistence for 'more' we've been able to figure out he may not want cereal, but he definitely wants the pancake sitting in front of Mom.  He is also able to clearly tell us when he wants to be picked up and when he wants to be put down, when he wants a book read to him, and when he wants you to play peak-a-boo.  It's such a joy to see him turning into a person with real preferences.  Current preferences include blueberries and tofu.  We've watched him eat a half pint of blueberries in one sitting and pick around everything on his tray to eat every morsel of tofu, and ask for more. 

Domino is not nearly as enthused as we are at Davis' newest form of mobility.  Davis continues to treat Domino like his stuffed animals, which entails throwing his arms around him and tackling him.  Sometimes if he can't get close enough for a tackle, Davis settles for a head butt.  Domino continues to be amazingly calm around Davis and I've only once had to deter Domino from nibbling Davis after a particularly rough tackle.  We continue to monitor their interactions closely and lock Domino out of Davis' room at night since we know Domino lacks the better judgment to not go in there.  Despite all of his overly-enthusiastic attention, Domino continues to lavish attention on Davis.  The moment his door opens in the morning Domino races into the room.   One morning when Davis woke up late, Domino paced outside his room for about an hour.  Our night time ritual includes chasing Domino out from under the crib.  Someday they will be the best of friends.  Lilly continues to claim safe harbor, far away from the reaches of Davis.  The only exceptions to this rule is if she is forced to choose between a room with a baby and a room with a vaccuum or when there is a particular bit of enticing food on the highchair tray.  Davis is more than happy to share food with Lilly.

I am extremely busy and quite overwhelmed at work.  I have had some great results recently, and although I know I will wrap this work up, the idea of wrapping it up in time for my final committee meeting (now less than two weeks away) is a bit of a shock.  This is in addition to submitting an abstract for one conference and preparing a poster for another.  I think underlying all of this stress is the idea that in less than two weeks I will be away from John and Davis for a full five days!  This conference marks the end of breasfeeding for us.  I think it's a natural ending for it anyway, but it's still an ending to what has been a large part of my relationship with Davis.  A couple of weeks ago I discontinued pumping at work and we began introducing formula to Davis.  Today, we cut out one feeding, leaving just one last feeding.  This one will be the hardest to break since it's the most emotionally-tied one for Davis.  After a long and exciting day at daycare, Davis nurses as a way to reconnect and to calm down.  Some nights this ends in a quick catnap before dinner.  We'll be dropping this feeding when I leave and I'm not sure John is very excited about the potential reprocussions.  Our hope is that out-of-sight, out-of-mind will apply in this case and it will be the easiest way to wean.  If we are wrong, well, let's just say I'm glad I won't be around to find that out.

John had his six-month post-radiation checkup yesterday where he had a chest x-ray and some bloodwork done.  We will find the results out later this week.  His cancer and treatment have been on my mind a lot lately.  Someone we know is battling breast cancer and seeing her go through surgery and treatment has brought all the history of John's own fight to the forefront again.  It's a strange feeling that I can't explain or shake, but seeing someone else battle something more aggressive makes me feel like we got off almost too easily this time around.  Comparing aggressiveness of John's cancer with someone else's makes about as much sense as what we heard multiple times during his diagnosis and treatment, which was "Testicular cancer is extremely treatable, if you were going to pick a cancer to get, this is the one to pick".  Clearly, this isn't how it works, but yet people feel compelled to tell us that, much like I feel compelled to worry more now than I did since seeing someone else go through something harder to treat.  I am consistenly thinking of her and hoping for the best, but like John, I know only time will tell.

Big questions about life stuff

I'll be graduating this May, which begs the question, what am I going to be doing starting in June?  I've been doing a lot of soul searching and a good deal of questioning other people who have already taken one of the paths I could take now.  I feel really confident at this point that indeed an academic career, in its purest form, is not for me.  I love doing the day-to-day nitty gritty science and technology stuff.  I hate writing about it. Well, for a bit writing about it is fun, but for the most part, not.  I'm definitely in the toughest part of my Ph.D. at this point in terms of that, the fun stuff is dwindling while the not-fun is picking up.  I am constantly finding myself thinking about new work and realize I don't have time for new work, it's time to finish the old work (although I am continually finding new work in the old work, it's a vicious cycle).

It's great that I have it narrowed down to industry or a research lab kind of position, but now we have to ask.. Where?  John and I would love to get back to Seattle, but the prospects for my kind of work are bleak.  There are a couple of options, but a couple doesn't seem secure enough for the long haul.  There are many in the Boston area and definitely some opportunities in San Fransisco.  San Fransisco is a whole lot closer to our families than Boston is, but it's in a region where John has never really been interested in living.  One thing our move to Boston has taught me is that we can really find things to do anywhere we live. Even though the skiing isn't great out here, cross-country isn't bad and bicycling is great! On the other hand, John and I are really feeling the desire to buy a house and John found tonight that it's 27% more expensive in San Francisco than it is here and there seems to be even greater sprawl there with regards to where companies are relative to homes (i.e. we could end up working a very long commute from where we live if we ended up finding jobs in different towns).  It's a lot to think about in a short amount of time.  My hope is to chip away at job applications a few at a time, focusing now on Seattle and starting in March, interviewing in Boston.

A mixture of feelings

Today was a pretty big day for me in some ways.  We submitted a manuscript, finally, for a paper that has been taking the majority of my time since last January.  In some ways I'm relieved, but for the most part I feel like it's just back to the grindstone to return to the work I was doing before last January.  I've been trying to split my time between two projects, and it's been difficult.  At least now I feel like with focus all on the remaining work, I'll be able to get it done in time for my final thesis committee meeting in early March.  However, there's always the chance the committee won't find the work finished enough for my defense date in May.  However, in some ways, I don't care what they think, and that might be the very thing that defines the fact that I'm ready to be done. 

Another rough thing about today is that John and I went to a going-away party for our good friend Susan (and at some point to follow our good friend, and her husband, AJ).  I admire Susan a lot for following her dreams and trying something completely new, moving to California to find a job, in a location, that will make her happy and give her great satisfaction.  However, it's always tough to say goodbye to friends and it seems like this year will be a big goodbye year as many of our friends will be graduating and moving on (hopefully us included). 

I hope to post more in the next few days, but these have been a busy few weeks...We are blessed to have Grandma and Grandpa visiting.  It's wonderful to come home and play with Davis after work and have a wonderful hot dinner care of Grandma!

Nap? I don't need no stinkin nap

This week, Davis has decided that naps are overrated. For the three days he has gone to daycare this week, he has napped for a total of 3 minutes. This has made for short and stressful evenings with a fussy baby. However, it has been exceptionally easy to put him to sleep at night. Monday he slept for almost 12 straight hours, but Tuesday he was up at 12:30, 3:00 and 4:00.

In other Davis news:

• He has yet another cold. He is stuffy and congested again, but doesn't have a temperature.
• His top front teeth are coming in. One is almost through and we can see the other under the surface. He is handling it very well. Other than a bad night a few days ago, the biggest affect has been a huge amount of drool.
• He can play hide and seek (8 month old version). Kristen has been hiding behind the footstool and Davis goes around looking for her. When they meet, everybody is rewarded with a huge smile and laugh.
• His progress towards walking is remarkable. It seems like he has gone from needing a lot of support to stand to just using us for balance. Tonight, while we were playing he was just barely using me for support while he stood.
• His hair is coming in more and more every day. He is so very blond that it is still hard to see, but he has up to about two inches of hair on the back of his head.

Today, Kristen worked from home to avoid commuting in the snow and discovered that Lilly is far more active than Domino. Lilly changed sleeping positions three times (car seat, cat tree, and bookshelf) while Domino spent the entire day in the rocker.

Domino in the rocker:

Lilly in the car seat (she was there for four hours):

Last night, I got to go over to my friend Rob's house to play a board game and chat about technology / work while Kristen stayed with Davis. Rob had some great insights and thoughts about technology and I'm going to be thinking long and hard about where I spend my energy at work.

The rest of this week looks like a pretty normal one for us. This weekend is Kristen's birthday and we've got some fun plans. Other than that, we'll probably take some pictures, spend lots of time playing with Davis and if the weather cooperates, get outside for a little while.

Google Interview

Over the last couple of months, I was interviewing for a software development position at Google's Cambridge office. I've felt a little stagnated at work and when one of my friends at Google asked if I was looking, I decided to take a shot.

I talked with a recruiter on September 17th and after furiously preparing my resume, I submitted the paper work required to get things going. A week or so later, I had a phone interview with was a little of sales job on either side and a technical vetting. I didn't think the phone interview went that well, but it apparently went well enough that I had a round of in-person interviews scheduled for October 23rd.

On the 23rd, I interviewed with two people, each interview was 45 minutes long centered around one software design/implementation problem that required problem solving, coding and algorithms. I worked and talked through the problems on the board while the interviewers scribbled notes. I later found out that they are required to submit an interview transcript that includes all code to a hiring committee.

I felt that the first round went well, so I was a little disappointed that it took until November 2nd (9 days) to hear back. However, I did well enough that a second round of in-person interviews was scheduled for November 11th. This round followed the same format: 45 minutes centered around a single problem that would require code to be written on the white board. Of the three interviews, I would say one went well, one okay and one badly.

From talking with the interviewers, I understood that the hiring committee would meet on the 17th and based on the ratings, transcripts and recommendations make a decision. As with the first round, it took a while to hear back. I finally had to prod the recruiter and several other people at Google to get an answer.

In the end, I didn't get the job. In the end, I think this was the best outcome.

However, I am very disappointed in Google and the interview process:

• It took far to long at every stage of the process. Some of the delays were due to my schedule, but more often it just took a long time to get the wheels turning at Google. After each interview (phone, in person) there was a long void of silence that followed.
• I got zero feedback post-process. Despite requesting feedback about why I didn't get the job, nothing was provided. If I re-apply to Google in the future or another position, I'd like to know what needs improving.

Here are the positives that I am taking from this:

• I work at an extremely family friendly company. I have serious doubts about Google support for 40 hour weeks and quality family time. Note: the exersaucer I saw in their offices does not count as family friendly.
• I have a great commute. Right now, it takes me 15 to 17 minutes to get to work. It would take me a minimum of 45 minutes to get to the Google offices.
• I have a lot more focus and energy for my current job. I felt very re-energized after the whole Google interview process was over and a decision was made. I'm leveraging that energy at work.
• I've had some practice interviewing.

There are some things that I'll miss about not getting the job, but I can focus on bringing those same things to my current position and I'm well prepare to look for another job if I make that decision in the future.

Defining your own success

Tonight I attended the Arlington Working Mom's group for the second time. It's a nice group of women, who in one form or another, I have a lot in common with. Everyone has a different career and a different form of childcare, but we all face the same problems in the end and have shared similar trials and tribulations along the way. I find it inspiring and comforting. Tonight's topic was about the benefits and drawbacks of being a working mom for yourself, your spouse and your child(ren). It was an interesting night for me to attend, as my ideas about my career path have been in upheaval lately (since this weekend in fact). I've come to some pretty basic realizations about my current and future happiness.

When John was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the end of February, it was like someone took a picture of our life and framed it in a different perspective. Life isn't a guarantee. We don't know that we get to live out our lives to the end and fulfill every goal we have planned, be it an upgrade to a different category of bike racing, an addition to our family, or a tenured professor. We get what we get, and really we better make sure that each day we are happy with that day and the day before it, because there may not be one after. I know this sounds depressing, but when John made it through the surgery and then the radiation, it was like someone had given us a gift. The gift of realization that we live precariously, a chance to make sure we lived each day to the fullest. I promised then I would remember that lesson always. But then something happened. The same something that always happens, the here and now seems less important then the future. That I must work like there's nothing else in my life but work in order to get that one extra paper out, so that I can get that better postdoc, where I will work like crazy so that I can get a good tenure-track faculty position..so that I can then work like crazy to get tenure. But it's ok, right? Because it's only eight more years and then I can relax and spend quality time with my husband and son, get some good exercise, maybe take a a family vacation.

It's time I took control of defining my own success. Where I exist in work-life, which currently is just life, there is one definition of success. If you aren't aiming for a Nobel prize, you're not doing it right. Alright, maybe the Nobel is a reach, but at least a MacArthur award..It's a tough place to have any other vision of success in. If you consider working outside of academics, you're selling out. It's easy to get caught up in grandiose visions of "I'm making the world a better place by advancing science at it's purest form". Well, in the end, do I make the world a better place for myself, my husband, or my son? How about for the people I may have talked to at a local highschool as a volunteer for women in careers day? Or the person with a vision or reading disability who could have heard the book through me (I used to volunteer at Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic). The person on the other side of a soup kitchen counter? What's better, to abstractly impact the world or directly impact another person's life? I think they're both good, it's what YOU define as happiness and success. I'm realizing I have very concrete ideas about happiness. Family, health (as defined by the ability to do something extraordinary, like competing in a bike race or a triathlon), direct impact on another human being's life, a satisfaction and excitement about my job, and being the kind of person who Davis can look up to and respect, and know that he's always been first in my life.

Until recently, I have been gunning down the MacArthur award path. I feel like I have woken up out of some weird dream. I realized that working and spending a minimum amount of time with my husband and son (while feeling guilty about not working) is not what I want with the rest of my life. So here's me, wrestling with the here-and-now, defining my own success. May I remember that important lesson I learned a few months ago and never let it go.

My grandmother's house, alright the downstairs bathroom specifically, had an Irish blessing framed, and I often remember it. It goes like this:
"May the roads rise to meet you.
May the wind be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face; The rain fall soft upon your fields.
And, until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand."

I feel like I should start this new search for happiness with my own life blessing in a similar form:
"May I always remember what is important.
May I always seek to do what's right for myself and those that rely on me.
May I remember that everyone has their own path and gracefully acknowledge their path while holding true to my own.
At the end of my life, may I never come to regret the way in which I chose to live".

Davis can sit up by himself!

This morning Davis and I were in his room, I was folding his diapers and he was crawling around. When I looked up to see what he was doing, he was just sitting there. He had pushed his way up from the floor to seated all by himself!! Also, Davis definitely loves books. This morning I read eight books an average of two times each. Whenever I ended a book, unless I immediately started it over or started a new one, he would start to cry.

Some highlights for the week:

• Davis started antibiotics last night for a persistent cold with a cough and a slight ear infection. Hopefully, he'll feel better soon. Also, a hacking cough is no way to make friends at music class or in swim lessons.
  
• Davis loved our music class even more this week than last. What fun! All those people singing, and babies to look at. We also got to play with a drum this week in addition to shakers.
  
• I just submitted an abstract for a conference in Quebec in March. I didn't finish the draft of the paper I hoped to finish today, but at least I submitted my abstract on time. I hope to finish the draft by the end of the weekend, I am pretty close.
  
• This is the third week in a row that someone has told me they liked the music I played during my cycling class at the gym. It's been someone different each time!
• It's not recent news, but I don't know that I ever announced it, a few weeks ago I officially returned to my pre-pregnancy weight.
• There's a possibility that my yearly salary may have doubled. I'm not counting on it yet, since there has been some confusion with regards to the distribution of the Scholarship I was awarded, but the current scenario is that money will be in addition to my current stipend. What a blessing that would be! It's quite a bit of change for a house down payment, or essentially, it pays for almost two years of daycare!
• I continue to wonder how in the world I will finish everything I need to finish by graduation time in May. Life is crazy, but I know in the end we will manage to make it happen.
  

This weekend will be pretty low-key. Davis and I will go to swimming lessons tomorrow morning and then I'll be heading to a birthday party tomorrow night. Sunday we have brunch plans with Dave and Megan. Dave is going to lend us a black backdrop so that we can attempt some family portraits. This Wednesday is Veterans day and daycare is closed. Davis and I get to spend the day together! Unfortunately and fortunately, we'll kick it off with the H1N1 vaccine, but later we have plans to go to the Science Museum or to the Stone Zoo with some friends!

Is that a virtue or a flaw?

One of the things that might need to get cut from my life, may never have been in my life if it weren't for a basic personality trait of mine, which begs the question of whether it's a virtue or a flaw (or both given context?). This pretty unassuming email came across my desk that they are re-instituting a formerly dead group called GradMoms. The name is mostly self explanatory, it's a group of graduate moms at MIT and they were hosting a lunch. Sounds good to me. During maternity leave, and now beyond, I really enjoyed talking to other people in a similar situation. So I went. Somehow, by the time I had left the hour lunch, I was now in charge of setting up a wiki to keep track of tackling a large issue at MIT, the lack of affordable daycare and support for graduate students with kids. How does this happen, that I go to a lunch and come away with a task. Another layer of things in my life. I'm fascinated and really want to help the cause of bettering support for graduate students with kids at MIT. I understand that change won't help me since I'm graduating, but change here translates to change other places. When I started graduate school, MIT was the only school with a graduate student maternity leave policy. Did that affect my decision? Definitely. I knew I would be hitting my thirties before I finished graduate school, and it was nice to know there was support should I decide to start a family while there. What's happened since? Other schools (like Stanford, Harvard, etc.) have instituted similar policies. So a change at an institute that has to compete for the same pool of graduate students can propagate. When you create a better situation for families in graduate school, you inherently create a more diverse pool of candidates at the faculty level and hopefully then you'll see change at the faculty level for support of work-life balance. So on and so forth, the domino effect of improvement.

Those are my reasons for wanting to be involved, however, already I have cut out exercise to attend more meetings and cut out my own work I do in the evenings to get this stuff up and running. I don't have enough free time anymore to simply add new projects..new projects take away something from my life. So does helping create change when it comes at the expense of my own family and health worth it? Or is it better for me to try and survive my own trials and tribulations? One would think I could do a little bit to help, but this is where my personality conflicts with such a thought. At a second meeting this week, it was clear no one was really in charge..so guess who took charge...yup, me. I saw inefficiency where there could be decisions..so I let my bossy side take over and steer the group to a hopefully productive outcome. The outcome for me? More work, less time.

Done with pumping session #2 for the day.. see you later.

Something's gotta give...but what?

Today is Thursday. That means I can leave early for work and Davis and Dad have a morning to themselves. I've been toying with the idea for a while that if I'm up feeding Davis at 4am, ending around 5am, that I should just get up and head to the gym. This is the first day I attempted it. Unfortunately, my usual bus doesn't even start running until 6:30am, so today I headed to Mass Ave to catch a different bus that supposedly runs every 10minutes. After waiting for 20minutes I realized I should just go catch my normal bus. Only problem is now there isn't enough time to work out, but I have to go to the gym anyway to shower! So here I am, post gym and shower, with an extremely short workout, in the bathroom of the chemistry building pumping milk (since I have to pump three times on days I head in early). A meeting I should be in has already started and after that is another meeting, then PT, then a flu shot clinic, another pumping that will be later than it should because of PT and meetings. Productive work won't even start until 1pm today (or later?)..then another pumping, then home.

Today is unfortunately kind of typical for me now. A tradeoff between all my responsibilities at work, a drive to do my own actual work, taking care of my body and my health, and being with my son, who is honestly, the best thing in this world in my opinion. What can give? Something has to, and so far I'm not crazy about what has (time with John and my own health and well being is usually what goes first). Can I alternate meetings occasionally, skipping some on a schedule? Do I need to be less involved in other things (like the Gradmoms group and teaching spinning..I've already realized this has to be my last semester teaching cycling at the athletics center)? Do I need to just come to a realization that I can't work like I used to? Do I need to go ahead and continue working at night after Davis has gone to bed and maybe set one night aside of just John and Me time?

Done pumping...time to head to meetings now. Wish me luck!

May date and Lisbon here I come!

I had a meeting with my adviser on Sunday about my graduation plans..I think we now have a great plan! I'm actually going to plan to defend in May and graduate then, which is a relief. The specifics that need to go into my dissertation are now very well worked out (pending, of course, agreement of my committee members). Also, we had a great conversation on potential follow up postdoctoral work that was quite illuminating and exciting.

Also, my adviser reminded me of a perk of graduate student life..international conferences. I'll be attending a conference in Lisbon at the end of April. John's thinking about bringing Davis to join me. This is another great thing about not graduating until the end of spring..one more conference!

Davis almost sleeps through the night

Recently, Davis has almost slept through the night. Earlier this week, he only woke up once during the night and Tuesday, while he woke up a couple of times, he went the whole night without eating. Sleep has definitely been getting easier, tonight I put him down on his back (crying) and he put himself to sleep. I don't think we've done anything, I think this is mostly Davis growing up and getting used to our bedtime routine which we've been pretty consistent about for the last month and a half.

I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately, we've been adjusting to taking daycare and have both been swamped with work recently. Hopefully we're both out from under the heaviest work loads for a while and will be able to post a little more often. This blog is very important to both of us.