Disturbed

I've had a lot of wonderful interactions here at the conference as well as some socially awkward ones.  I just finished dinner with my labmate and we were joined by another person from the conference who was sitting down to eat alone at a restaurant just next to the hotel.  He's a very nice guy and for the most part dinner was very enjoyable, but I find myself extremely disturbed by one portion of the conversation.  He works for a large company and so I was asking him how he liked it and I also asked him about recommendations for how and where to apply at this company.  I should put it in context that all three of us have kids that are less than a year old, and so we were discussing children.  But during his description of the company, he at one point asked me if I planned on having anymore children.  Well, to start, I don't think this is anyone's business, let alone someone who I have just met at a professional conference.  So I hemmed and hawed as I usually do when this question is put to me, since honestly, the answer is I don't know and the real answer I want to give is 'none of your business'.  Well, after hemming and hawing he said if you are going to have another kid, you should do it now, before you start work.

This is absolutely amazing to me.  What is wrong with our society that you can't just live your life as it suits you?  That you need to have your children at a certain time in order to minimally impact your career.  You know, if I went off to a company, I would be settling in for the long haul.  What is a 12 week maternity leave to a company where I plan to work for 10 or more years?  Does anybody who says this realize how ridiculous it sounds that I should just throw in having a second kid into my immediate future plans so as not to affect the potential decisions made about my promotion in a potential company that may or may not hire me??  I appreciate from his point of view that he was giving me some helpful advice, but it's absolutely amazing to me that someone would feel inclined to give me this advice.  It certainly makes me think twice about working somewhere that would make someone feel like that. 

You know the fascinating thing about pregnancy and childbirth is how detrimental it appears to people.  Certainly it requires some time off, but that's no different than the time off you might require anyway when you are hit by a devastating disease.  What's the difference?  That childbirth is optional?  Or are all employers going to ding your potential promotion when you have to take off time for something, no matter what it is?  Why the perception differences about life events that have the same relative outcome on your time at work?

Guess what world, I'm a person AND I'm an engineer/scientist and I will be both at the same time.  You can take it or leave it, but I suggest you take it.